July 20, 2008
de⋅vi⋅ant
dee-vee-uh nt
–adjective
1. deviating or departing from the norm; characterized by deviation: deviant social behavior.
–noun
2. a person or thing that deviates or departs markedly from the accepted norm.
Do ants ever give up?
When that crumb of bread they are carrying is too heavy, do they stop
And quit?
If an ANT encounters an obstacle, do they crawl over or pick another path?
Do they deviate?
Am I am ANT? A true Ant?
All those choices I was bombarded by in the Spring… have been faced, but not yet conquered. I have decided:
• The house is in foreclosure. It didn’t sell.
• I am moving to Utah. Jeddy and I will live with my parents there.
• I will have to leave El Jay here, for now.
• I will deal with whether to return to school later.
This is one of those times when I feel I am telling this story remotely. This is not my story. How can it be? If it were, I would be crying.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
PINK PINK YOU STINK
7/9/08
I Don’t Wanna Be Orange. I Wanna Be Pink.
El Jay started kindergarten on July 1st. Every day he comes home with something to share, a story to tell.
The story he shared with me a couple days ago reminded me that kindergarten hasn’t changed a whole lot since I was there 41-years ago. It also reinforced the feeling I have that El Jay and I think a lot alike. Poor kid.
He came home from school a little upset and said, “Mom, I don’t wanna be red, I wanna green.” Currently his favorite color is green. He then went on to explain that the children in his class were divided into groups and he was in the red group.
My memory bank flashed back to my own kindergarten experience. I was in the orange group. I wanted to be in the pink group. I remember explaining this to my teacher, but I was left sitting at the orange table. At the pink table were the two prettiest and smartest girls in the class, Debbie and Melissa, and I wanted to sit with them. I hoped that maybe they would be my friends if I was at their table. I felt I was at the orange table where the dumb kids were. I didn’t want the other students to associate me with the dumb kids. I didn’t want to be an outcast.
As a child I had an auditory processing disability which caused a serious speech impediment. When hearing me talk people often assumed I was deaf. I only had a very slight hearing loss. I also had the girl type of ADHD and dyslexia. I was highly imaginative, but very shy. Other children often teased me. In my 5-year old mind, being in the dumb orange group only reinforced to the other kids that I was stupid.
By the end of the school year I was resigned to sitting at the orange table, but for part of one brief day I was rewarded with sitting at the pink table.
My kindergarten teacher had brought in an incubator and a couple chicken eggs. However, after a while it became obvious that the eggs were not going to hatch. In the spring the school had a Back to School night and my mom attended. There she learned about the chicken eggs. We had mallard ducks at home. The female had laid eggs that were starting to hatch, so my mom went home from Back to School night, got two of the eggs and returned to my kindergarten class with them. When I got to class the next afternoon, one of the eggs had hatched, and the other one was starting to peck its way out.
I remember the teacher taking us up to the incubator in small groups throughout that afternoon so we could watch the duckling hatch. I felt so important because the teacher had said, “Tina has a mama duck at home and she gave us these eggs.” I had never felt so special before.
In June for Father’s day we were making clay animals to give our fathers. The orange group had to make cows. I didn’t want to make an ugly cow. I wanted to make a duck, but I knew better than to say anything. I was given a lump of clay and shown how to make a cow. Yet, before I got very far on my cow my teacher came back to my table and quietly asked me to come with her. Obediently, I followed her to the pink table. She explained that Debbie was absent and they had an extra seat, would I like to make a duck? She went on to say that she thought this was appropriate since I was the duck girl who had given the class our ducks. I nodded and said, “yes”. I made the best duck in the group too.
I still have my shiny green duck sculpture. It is one of my most valued possessions.
As El Jay told me we wanted to be green, I sympathized with him and I could get a glimpse into the workings of his amazing mind.
I Don’t Wanna Be Orange. I Wanna Be Pink.
El Jay started kindergarten on July 1st. Every day he comes home with something to share, a story to tell.
The story he shared with me a couple days ago reminded me that kindergarten hasn’t changed a whole lot since I was there 41-years ago. It also reinforced the feeling I have that El Jay and I think a lot alike. Poor kid.
He came home from school a little upset and said, “Mom, I don’t wanna be red, I wanna green.” Currently his favorite color is green. He then went on to explain that the children in his class were divided into groups and he was in the red group.
My memory bank flashed back to my own kindergarten experience. I was in the orange group. I wanted to be in the pink group. I remember explaining this to my teacher, but I was left sitting at the orange table. At the pink table were the two prettiest and smartest girls in the class, Debbie and Melissa, and I wanted to sit with them. I hoped that maybe they would be my friends if I was at their table. I felt I was at the orange table where the dumb kids were. I didn’t want the other students to associate me with the dumb kids. I didn’t want to be an outcast.
As a child I had an auditory processing disability which caused a serious speech impediment. When hearing me talk people often assumed I was deaf. I only had a very slight hearing loss. I also had the girl type of ADHD and dyslexia. I was highly imaginative, but very shy. Other children often teased me. In my 5-year old mind, being in the dumb orange group only reinforced to the other kids that I was stupid.
By the end of the school year I was resigned to sitting at the orange table, but for part of one brief day I was rewarded with sitting at the pink table.
My kindergarten teacher had brought in an incubator and a couple chicken eggs. However, after a while it became obvious that the eggs were not going to hatch. In the spring the school had a Back to School night and my mom attended. There she learned about the chicken eggs. We had mallard ducks at home. The female had laid eggs that were starting to hatch, so my mom went home from Back to School night, got two of the eggs and returned to my kindergarten class with them. When I got to class the next afternoon, one of the eggs had hatched, and the other one was starting to peck its way out.
I remember the teacher taking us up to the incubator in small groups throughout that afternoon so we could watch the duckling hatch. I felt so important because the teacher had said, “Tina has a mama duck at home and she gave us these eggs.” I had never felt so special before.
In June for Father’s day we were making clay animals to give our fathers. The orange group had to make cows. I didn’t want to make an ugly cow. I wanted to make a duck, but I knew better than to say anything. I was given a lump of clay and shown how to make a cow. Yet, before I got very far on my cow my teacher came back to my table and quietly asked me to come with her. Obediently, I followed her to the pink table. She explained that Debbie was absent and they had an extra seat, would I like to make a duck? She went on to say that she thought this was appropriate since I was the duck girl who had given the class our ducks. I nodded and said, “yes”. I made the best duck in the group too.
I still have my shiny green duck sculpture. It is one of my most valued possessions.
As El Jay told me we wanted to be green, I sympathized with him and I could get a glimpse into the workings of his amazing mind.
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