Loving Unconditionally

02/05/08

A hard moment as a mom today.

I was quickly walking across campus from my Mass Com class to the bus stop. The temperature was about 27 degrees; the sidewalk had icy patches still. I was in my own world of deep thought, looking down to avoid slipping. I was suddenly jerked into the moment as I saw my son, Joshua, walking about 12-feet away across the path. There were students between us, rushing to classes. He was on his way to work at the deli.

I began to call out to him, “Joooos…..” The words froze in my mouth as I saw he was smoking. I stopped, frozen to the spot. Time froze, too. I watched his back as he walked the opposite direction. Icy tears managed to find their way down my cheeks.
I suspected that he smoked. I really didn’t want to know. I knew he wasn't living the way I would want him to.

I remember a conversation years ago with my sister-in-law. We were talking about having kids. Neither of us had any yet. I wanted a house full. She didn’t want any. She asked me the question, “How do you know you are raising them right? What if when they are grown they reject the way you raised them?”

I simply said that you teach them what you believe to be right. You give them a good education and good values. You give then a good foundation. You teach them to be good people. You always give them unconditional love. Then when they are grown you give them the freedom to accept or reject your values and no matter what their choices are and how you feel about them, you continue to make sure they know you love them.

I guess that is where life has taken me now.

Some days, I wonder if it is all worth it.